So, I wrote a blog for this week describing my very personal journey with weight loss and my struggles. And I deleted it and started over.
The thing is, I’m not the same person I was then and I don’t want to keep referring to that when I talk about my goals. When it comes down to it, at 240 pounds, my goals are NOT what they are now. Nor have they been for years.
It’s been 4 or 5 years since I’ve been obese. Recently it is just those last darn 20 pounds I keep putting on and taking off – but I have been fully committed to my healthy lifestyle since I became a personal trainer in 2011.
The fact is, everyone has struggles. You can’t make people change their lifestyle by saying, “I did it, so you can do it”. You will do it when you’re ready and that’s about it. Why I waited until I’m 28 to do something I’ve been talking about for years I don’t have a clue. I wasted my early 20’s overweight and unhappy for the most part because of that.
I’ve dreamt of competing, especially the last 2 years. My excuse was that living in Northern Labrador, the healthy options weren’t as available (and trust me, they aren’t), so when we moved to Halifax a year ago I kind of had to shit or get off the pot.
So here I am, 10 weeks out from my first competition. I was solid on the diet the first 10 days and dropped 10 pounds. The second week I had a few cheats as I knew the dreaded “12 week deadline” was approaching. The last 2 weeks have been close to perfect for my diet.
The training part is getting better, and I think this week I’ll be in a routine finally. Because in addition to this competition I decided was a good idea: I work a full time job in retail management that is fairly demanding. I teach boot camp after work 3 days a week. I began teaching CPR and First aid classes in October (in 5 cities, in NS and eventually NB). I am also trying to get more of my certifications, if I have time to study.
I now have to get my cardio in at 5:45am, and my workouts in after work at around 7:30pm. Then of course I have 2 pets, a husband, a house, 2 vehicles…and all the time, maintenance, and work that comes along with it.
Then there is meal prep. Oh dear Jesus. What have I gotten myself into?
I also need to remember when my high carb day is, what days I take what, so I have a day planner now. Without it, I don’t think I would know what I’m doing. It’s a very minute to minute schedule now which increased my stress levels.
If I miss something the guilt is BRUTAL. Thank God for my awesome boss, my awesome husband and my mother who help me SOOO much!! I have a great network of friends and clients and it’s helping me stay strong. I have always turned to food, especially when stressed. Now, I feel like I have nothing to turn to. No cigarettes, no alcohol, so junk food.
I’m 15 pounds down now, and I went from a size 12 to a 7 pant and a M/L to S top. I don’t even recognize myself in photos, which is why I’m doing this blog.
Photos tell the truth. The mirrors, I still look at myself as a “fat” person, my brain just hasn’t caught up to my changes. This is officially the smallest, fittest and happiest I have been…ever. It comes with a price, I am emotionally and physically DRAINED. I almost cried curing my last leg workout, so my weekly blog updates are going to be a very honest and personal view into a first time fitness competitors struggles, accomplishments and emotions.
I long for the day I can call myself an athlete. I have a very long way to go, and I really don’t think I have it in me. 10 weeks, and I’m still 153 pounds…really? I wasn’t ready for this. I was expecting April. It’s so much so fast, I’m learning and doing at the same time and it’s so confusing and frustrating. I can’t see the end result, and I guess that’s the problem when you haven’t done anything like this before.
I hope I see a change this week in the photos, is it November yet???